Discussion in 'Journals and Stories' started by Anonymous, Jan 28, 2019.

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  1. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest


    "The bad news is: You're falling through the air, nothing to hang on to—no parachute. The good news is... there is no ground."

    To inject, place black end against outer thigh, then firmly—five... four... three... two... one... injection complete! Please seek emergency medical care!

    The darkness swam before her eyes, pops of light like the flash bulb on an old polaroid slowly, slowly revealing... the halogenic glow of a Quik-N-Easy. She knew it was after dark, because her eyes—still adjusting to the bright, white interior of the gas station—couldn't quite discern the parking lot outside. She knew she'd fucked up, because a great big paramedic whose name tag read PICKENS was hoisting her up into the air and setting her ass-first on the grimey countertop next to the register.

    "She's back," Pickens declared, disrupting her pupils by penlight. She cringed, feebly lifting a shaking, shuddering hand to shield her eyes. "You're back. You OD'd. Do you remember what you took?"

    "Nar... narcan?" she asked muddily.

    "No, honey, we gave you the narcan. You're flushed out. Are you on a script, or was it heroin?"

    "Yeah," she answered dismissively, brow furrowed as she cast her gaze limply around the room. "Yeah, heroin."

    "Okay. You're gonna—"

    She interrupted Pickens by hurling on his chest, thick chunks of a half-digested burger, pink and raw. Bile burned her throat and nose, and her stomach tightened like a fist as she bitterly fought the incoming waves of nausea.

    "—come on, let's get her out," Pickens grumbled, an undercurrent of annoyance souring his tone.

    "S-sorry," she murmured weakly, pushing down the urge to sob. "Your shirt, I'm... I didn't—sorry."

    Another paramedic rolled a stretcher into the store, and one loose wheel jiggling fruitlessly against the tile floor struck a chord in her belly. She threw up again, all water and bile this time, and she wondered briefly if she'd just ruined the start of some register jockey's third shift.

    "One. Two. Three," Pickens and his partner counted down, lifting her up from the countertop as if she weighed nothing at all. They deposited her on the stretcher, which barely shifted under her mass. Once they'd strapped her in, the stretcher was wheeled out into the parking lot, down a wheelchair-accessible entry ramp, and up into an ambulance's open bay, where the stretcher's legs buckled and folded so that it could be slid inside the van.

    She lost consciousness as Pickens pulled the doors shut.
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  2. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest


    It felt off. She knew that. She knew it was off, that the whole thing was fucking off, but... what choice did she have? She hadn't pushed since last night, and if she couldn't get a fix soon—well, she really didn't want to think about fucking detoxing right now. She really, really didn't. So she jammed her hands into her pockets, kept her head down and trudged forward into the bone-chilling wind.

    "Duane," she greeted as she got close. Duane was tall—a lot taller than she was—but he was lanky, too. A total beanpole. He probably played basketball in high school. Now he sold heroin.

    "Yo," Duane replied, glancing her way... and then pausing. He squinted at her in the dark, scanning the sharp, bony cheeks beneath her hood. "M? That you, girly? Goddamn, you don't look so hot!"

    "I need... just gimme a bag, Duane."

    "You know it. That's twenty. How long since your last push, girl?"

    "Fuck, man," she swore. Duane's prices had gone up. Or maybe she'd gotten poorer. She couldn't tell anymore... but she pulled a folded-in-half wad of bills out of her jeans pocket, discreetly counting four of them. "Here, man, just... fuckin'... there. I don't know. Like, eight. Maybe. Maybe ten."

    "You finna get rolled if you don't get a fix. All right, girly, all right, here..."

    Duane produced a balloon from behind his third molar and offered it to her. It was knotted off on one end, and she could see the white of the powder through its thin green skin. She palmed the balloon and jammed it into her pocket, turning away from Duane.

    "Hey, wait! Come on, girly—you need a safe place to nod, or what? You can always come back to mine and we'll—"

    Everything spun apart. Two men had stopped in front of her, handguns drawn. Panicking, she stumbled backwards and lost her footing on a patch of ice on the sidewalk, collapsing onto her ass and throwing her hands in the air. She could hear the scuffle of Duane's sneakers, but she dare not look away from the armed men in front of her.


    She heard a commotion. Maybe they had tackled Duane. No gunfire, anyway. One of the cops hurried forward while another kept his handgun on her, as if she was some sort of menace. She was rolled onto her stomach, arms wrenched back just above her butt, wrists tied together by the metallic click-click-click of handcuffs.

    "Fuck," she swore, laying her cheek against the cold, dirty asphalt.
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  3. Anonymous

    Anonymous Guest


    "Mama, please, I just.. I—"

    "You what, Logan?" her mother interrupted. Mac bit her lip, twisting the cord of the payphone around her index and middle fingers anxiously. She opened her mouth to speak, but her mother carried on.

    "You want money? Is that it? You want us to wire you money, Logan? For—for what, the millionth time? What do you want, Logan?"

    "Mama," Mac started, voice thick, tears slickening her cheeks, eyes hard, "mama, I just need money for—for the bus, for bus fare, I wanna come home... I wanna come home, and I just need... I need a place to stay, and—"

    "Do you hear yourself, Logan? I want you to put yourself in my shoes, pretend you're me, and tell me you'd wire your daughter money—your oldest daughter, who has broken your heart so many fucking times, so many times, and lied to you, and stolen from you... you've taken so, so much from us, Logan! You want bus fare—what, so you can shoot it up your arm? You want to come home, so you can swipe more of our shit, and give it to your fucking... your dealer for more heroin?"

    "N-no, mama," Mac persisted, lip trembling, a sob pausing her protest. "That's n-not what I want, I just want to... I want to get clean, I really, really do, but I need... I need..."

    "Our help? That's what you need? We gave you our help, Logan. We've given you so much help, for years, and we've been patient... we've been so patient, and you always make us regret it... every single time, Logan. No. We won't do this again."

    "Please! Please, mama—"

    Mac paused as she heard the phone rattle on the other end of the line.

    "Logan?" her father asked.

    "Daddy," she answered warmly, smiling despite her tears. "Daddy, I'm—it's so good to hear your voice, I just... I need—"

    "No, Logan," he cut her off. "No. We can't support this habit of yours anymore. You aren't welcome here—not like this. We hope... we hope you get clean, but we can't be a part of your life anymore. Not while the dope is."

    "D-daddy, I—"

    Click. The line went dead. Mac banged the phone against its receiver, hanging her head, shoulders racked with sobs.
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